Bassa Contemplates..

This is fairly a straight forward word. Believe it or not, we all have targets… from the day we are born, to the day we die. When you have children, not only do you set yourself more targets, you set your children a few of them too. They grow up harbouring them.. Its the only way to survive. Strangely, its almost a synonym for “hope” nowadays.

So you get used to setting targets in your life. In some you succeed, in some you don’t… The more you succeed, the more you feel confident. But there comes a moment in life when all of your existence was in some way directed towards one target. Accomplishment of which, would have led to a greater peace…. but due to some inert karma which set off in the wrong direction, things get out of hand and you no longer have full control. You at the mercy of someone or several others. No longer does the sun shine as bright, nor the music sound tempting… life turns into a drag.

Well, this is how I feel. Being a foreign qualified doctor here in Sri Lanka, i’m stuck in a virtual no mans land. The reason being, a simple examination process being withheld. All foreign qualified doctors have to face a set of exams to be able to practice. Fair enough. What if, these exams just aren’t held… Failing these exams was my worst fear… But I stand corrected.

Due to some other medical professionals attempting to face the same exam, the authorities concerned have “frozen” these exams. So no exams… no registration as a practioner… so no job…

You calm yourself… you try other things… but for the first time in life you haven’t been able to accomplish a target.. just because there was no way to face it. Slowly it turns life into a drag…

It sure is an interesting word.. I mean it sounds like some term from Star-Trek.. Neoplasms.. And perhaps it is. Synonimous for the word “Cancer” it has a less tragic ring to it. Infact its kinda spell bounding sort of…

Well.. all is well until one of these neoplasms don’t end up inside you. It’s not so much the disease, but the fear it drives through entire families. If there was any other word that gave out the same destructive power, then it must be “Hitler”.

This time around Neoplasms have found its way to one of my relations. The effect is devastating. The necessities that have to be attended to have increased by three fold. The laughs and smiles have faded. The memories are strong. Infact, its these that keep you going.

But WHY is it so tragic… I mean why does “Cancer” drive so much fear into everybody’s mind and body!?!?!?!?

It not like Sri Lanka’s the safest place to walk on earth… and its not new news that we all have to leave this world one day..

I guess because it’s like being given a red notice.. It’s destruction of hope. Hope is what all humans feed on. No Hope = No humans.

Its hard being a doctor…. Not that I’m complaining. Most of you would already be asking “You’re a bit too late to think about that!”… I’m referring to being a doctor son to my parents… They want all the best for you, but when its your turn to advise them…. nobody pays attention, or “we’re fine…” or “I feel like a rock”…

I’ve often asked them in frustration after my caring but feet stomping lectures go unheard… “why did you encourage me to be a doctor?”…. I only get the “looks”… those sad eyes… which I can’t tolerate.

It’s hard as it is consoling other people, but “Prevention is better than Cure” is a 128 bit SSL encoded message that my parents just can’t crack open. I know they won’t be here forever, but I want them to be as long as they can…. Its simple in thought, yet so complex in action. Another paradox of my life.

I work at place where I’m confused emotionally. I see many serving the common good, but trapped in worlds of their own, unable to break free. Cornered by fate and pushed forward to survive, they are masters in their fields. Their diversity is their stronghold, their simpleness their humility
Amidst such a crowd, I’m rendered helpless, as I am to sympathize, rejoice and live as they do. One most intriguing character is ******. Simple, charm, innocently flirtatious, and knowledgeable, she stands out from the crowd. She has a great ability to catch the hearts of people and twiddle with their feelings… especially mine.
Though completely ignorant of my world, ignorant of my delights, she is very concentrated on the one love of her life… medicine. Fate has been hard on her, and never has love blinded her. She acts according to her rationale, never crossing the borders. She intuitively feels danger and avoids it. Completely ignorant to the vibrations of others, she lives in her own cave, haunted by the fearful echoes at night. A dreamer at heart, scared to make a mistake, she ventures through life enjoying her latest victory of finishing med school.
Her principle is simple. Just pass through the miseries of life, and not to indulge in them. Brave to take on any challenge, she is firm and of strong character.

Her far sighted knowledge makes me admire her. Her complete ignorance of the world and it’s partialities angers me. Her serenity evokes respect in me. Her bluntness dismays me. Her open heartedness dissolves me. Her rebelliousness frightens me.

Rebellious at heart, only her rationale and kind heartedness overpowers it. This is her saving. Searching for all the answers in life, she looks to find a person who she can look up to. Someone she can adore, someone she can worship. The search is on….